Astute listeners and readers may have noticed a recent trend in this segment of featuring non-players. In response, I can only say that it’s not our goddamn fault that jackasses like Joe Buck and Mike Smith suck so fucking much.

Ugh. This latest transgression might be the worst we’ve seen so far this season. Witness the inanity as Dallas Cowboys head coach and alleged Princeton graduate Jason Garrett not only calls timeout to ice his own kicker — costing the ‘Boys the game — but feebly explains his reasoning in the postgame press conference:

Um…what?

Three things:

1. You were worried about the play clock running out? Bitch, he clearly got that kick off. Or, he would have if you hadn’t inexplicably burned a timeout.
2. If you were concerned about the play clock, why didn’t you just call timeout on the play before, rather than have Chicken Little Tony Romo rush the whole offense to the line for a spike? You had two timeouts! The game is over! You don’t get to keep them! Holy Jebus, why am I yelling so much?
3. I don’t have a third thing. Well, I don’t have one other than saying simply: Jason Garrett, you fucking suck.